A funeral wake is a gathering of family, friends, and acquaintances before or after the funeral service. It is a time for people to come together, share memories, offer support, and celebrate the life of the deceased. The wake provides an opportunity for those who may not be able to attend the funeral service to pay their respects and connect with others who are grieving.
Historical Context
The term "wake" has its roots in Old English, and comes from the word “wacan”, which means "to wake" or "to be awake," reflecting the practice of staying awake to watch over the deceased. The tradition of holding a wake has evolved over time and varies in practice across different cultures and regions, but its origins are deeply embedded in Irish history and culture. This practice dates back to medieval times when it was customary to keep watch over the body in the period between death and burial. The wake served both as a mark of respect and as a practical measure to ensure the person was truly deceased, as medical knowledge was less advanced. Wakes were often held before a funeral service.
Modern Day Wakes
Today, the concept of a wake has evolved. While some may still choose to hold a vigil, modern wakes are generally more relaxed and social in nature. They often include food and drink and can be held in various venues such as the family home, a community hall, or a local pub. The atmosphere can range from sombre and reflective to celebratory, depending on the wishes of the deceased and their family. Wakes are now often held after a funeral service; this is at the discretion of the family. Many of us have heard of or been to a wake in the Irish sense of the word.
Planning a Wake
Planning a wake involves several key steps:
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Venue Selection: Choose a suitable location that can accommodate the expected number of attendees. This could be a private home, a church hall, or a hired venue.
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Invitations: Inform friends and family about the wake. This can be done through formal invitations, social media, or word of mouth. It’s common to include details about the wake in the obituary or funeral notice. Wakes can be a public or private event.
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Catering: Decide on the type of refreshments to be provided. This could range from a simple tea and biscuits to a full buffet. Some families opt for a potluck style, where guests bring a dish to share.
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Personal Touches: Incorporate elements that reflect the deceased’s personality and interests. This could include playing their favourite music, displaying photographs, or sharing a slideshow of memories.
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Speeches and Tributes: Allow time for guests to share stories and memories. This can be an informal arrangement or a scheduled part of the wake.
Attending a Wake
If you are attending a wake, here are some tips to keep in mind:
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Dress Appropriately: While the dress code can vary, it’s generally best to err on the side of smart, respectful attire unless otherwise specified by the family. As wakes often occur after a funeral service, it is mostly appropriate to remain in the same clothing from the service.
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Offer Condolences: Take the opportunity to express your sympathy to the bereaved family. Those attending aren’t required to bring anything with them; however, they may want to bring a condolence card for the family.
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Share Memories: If you feel comfortable, share your memories of the deceased. Positive and heartfelt stories can provide comfort and support to the grieving family.
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Respect the Atmosphere: Every wake is different. Some may be quiet and reflective, while others may be livelier and more celebratory. Be mindful of the tone set by the family and adjust your behaviour accordingly.
A funeral wake is an integral part of the mourning process in the UK, offering a space for communal support and remembrance. Whether you are planning a wake or attending one, understanding its purpose and customs can help ensure that it is a meaningful and respectful occasion. While making a funeral plan for yourself or your loved one with The Farewell Guide, you can include a wake in your funeral wishes. In times of loss, coming together to share memories and support one another is a powerful way to honour the life of the deceased and begin the healing process.
Here are some guides you may find helpful:
How to write a condolence message
The feelings and emotions that you may experience when someone dies
Talking about death – How to get started
12 ways to help a friend through grief