The 5 Stages of Grief: What They Involve and How to Navigate Them

Grief is a universal experience that everyone faces at some point in life, usually after the loss of a loved one. While grief is deeply personal and unique to individuals, a framework often used to understand the process is the Five Stages of Grief model. Introduced by psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross in 1969, these stages offer insight into the emotions and reactions commonly associated with loss. It’s important to note that not everyone goes through all stages or in the same order, but understanding them can provide comfort and clarity during difficult times.

In this blog post, we’ll explore each of the five stages of grief—denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance—and what they typically involve.

1. Denial

"This can’t be happening."

The first stage of grief is often denial. This is a natural defence mechanism where the reality of loss feels too overwhelming to accept. Denial helps to numb the initial shock, allowing the person to cope at their own pace. It’s common to feel disbelief, confusion, or even a sense of detachment from what’s happening.

Denial might manifest in thoughts like:

“They’re not really gone; this must be a mistake.”

“I just saw them yesterday, this doesn’t feel real.”

What it involves:

Emotional numbness

Avoidance of the truth

Feeling disconnected from others

Difficulty processing the situation

How to navigate it:

Allow yourself the time to process the situation. Denial is the brain’s way of protecting itself from the full impact of the loss. Talking to friends, family, or a counsellor can help break through the emotional barriers at a manageable pace.

2. Anger

"Why is this happening? Who’s to blame?"

As the initial shock wears off, the pain of loss can turn into anger. This anger can be directed at yourself, others, or even the person who has passed away. You might feel angry at the situation or even question why the loss happened. It’s a natural way of processing the intense emotions that come with grief.

Anger may manifest in various ways:

Blaming others or the situation

Feeling irritable or resentful

Lashing out at friends or family

Questioning faith or the universe for allowing the loss to occur

What it involves:

Frustration and resentment

Irritability and emotional outbursts

A sense of unfairness or betrayal

How to navigate it:

Recognise that anger is a normal part of grief and allow yourself to feel it. Express your anger in healthy ways, such as through exercise, writing, or talking to someone who understands. Anger may not seem productive, but it’s an essential step in confronting the pain of loss.

3. Bargaining

"If only… I could have done something."

In the bargaining stage, you might find yourself making deals or “what if” statements in an attempt to regain control over the situation. This stage often comes with feelings of guilt, as you mentally replay events leading up to the loss and think about what you could have done differently.

Common thoughts in this stage include:

“If only I had been there sooner, maybe I could have saved them.”

“What if I had convinced them to see a doctor earlier?”

What it involves:

Regret and guilt

Dwelling on “what if” scenarios

Overthinking past events and decisions

How to navigate it:

Understand that bargaining is a natural way to process helplessness. It’s important to acknowledge these thoughts but also to recognise that you cannot change the past. Seek support from a grief counsellor or therapist to help work through feelings of guilt and regret.

4. Depression

"I miss them so much. I can’t go on."

Depression is perhaps the most recognised stage of grief and can be the longest-lasting. It’s characterised by deep sadness, feelings of emptiness, and a sense of hopelessness. During this stage, the reality of the loss sets in, and the weight of the absence can feel overwhelming.

This stage may involve:

Intense sadness and crying

Loss of interest in activities

Fatigue or trouble sleeping

Feeling isolated or withdrawn from others

What it involves:

Profound sorrow and longing for the person who has died

A sense of emptiness or despair

Difficulty finding joy in everyday life

How to navigate it:

It’s crucial to give yourself time to grieve. While this stage can feel isolating, reaching out for support—whether through friends, family, or a grief support group—can provide comfort. If depression persists or worsens, seeking help from a mental health professional is essential.

5. Acceptance

"I will be okay. I’m learning to live with this."

The final stage of grief is acceptance. This doesn’t mean “getting over” the loss or forgetting the loved one. Instead, it’s about finding a way to live with the new reality. Acceptance involves coming to terms with the fact that the person is gone, and while the pain doesn’t disappear, it becomes more manageable over time.

Signs of acceptance include:

Starting to make peace with the loss

Finding a way to honour and remember your loved one

Beginning to plan for the future, even in the absence of your loved one

Gradually re-engaging with life

What it involves:

Acknowledging the reality of the loss

Understanding that life must go on

Building a new sense of normalcy

How to navigate it:

Accepting loss doesn’t mean forgetting, but rather learning to live with the change. In this stage, many people find solace in creating memorials, taking up new hobbies, or focusing on personal growth. Continue to lean on your support network and allow yourself to feel both the grief and the possibility of moving forward. During this time, sorting out arrangements and planning a funeral, if necessary, may be easier to deal with. The Farewell Guide team are here to help you, and understand that the difficult time you are going through. Our platform is designed to seamlessly put you in contact with the right funeral director for you, allowing you to input personalised funeral arrangements to aligning directors.

Conclusion: Grief is Not Linear

While the five stages of grief provide a useful framework for understanding how people cope with loss, it’s important to remember that grief is not a linear process. You may move back and forth between stages or experience emotions in a different order. There’s no right or wrong way to grieve, and everyone’s journey is unique.

If you are struggling with grief, consider seeking help from a bereavement counsellor or support group. The Farewell Guide team is here to help you during this difficult time, and to answer any questions that you may have. Talking about your feelings with others who understand can provide comfort and help you find a way forward. Grief may be an inevitable part of life, but it’s also a testament to the love and connection we share with others.